Divorce–no one wants it, but splitting up is a reality for most Americans today. How do you get through one of the hardest times of your life? Single mom and author of It Takes All 5: A Single Mom’s Guide to Finding the REAL One, gives some advice for those considering a break-up. PLUS! Make sure to check out the bottom of the post where Kerri is giving away a vacation to one lucky mother and her kiddos.
It takes an enormous amount of bravery to tell your partner that you’d like a divorce–any suggestions on how to make it easier?
There is no easy way to tell a partner you’re not committed to the relationship anymore. That being said, honesty is the best policy. Before you make the move to leave the marriage, or engage in a new relationship, communicate your dissatisfaction to your partner. What you think is intolerable or not fixable might be rectified with opening up a dialogue. In the end, if it’s not going to work, it’s not going to work but then there will be no surprises.
Once you tell them you’d like to leave, what comes next? Do you need to file for a separation, or can you just file for divorce?
There are a lot of emotions and logistics that go into breaking up a marriage, particularly when there are children involved. The best next move might be for one or the other partner to move into a separate residence (if that is financially feasible). Several couples I know have made the decision to keep the children in the family home permanently, and the parents move in and out, on a custodial schedule. This is a great for the kids. The continuity helps make the transition from a two parent household to a one parent household easier for them. Plus, all their belongings are always in the same place!
Any suggestions on finding a good lawyer?
My suggestion is to research collaborative divorce or a going to mediation, before seeking a traditional divorce lawyer. It could save thousands of dollars. Money that can be invested for YOUR kids college education, rather than your lawyer’s kids college education!
Once the divorce wheels are in motion, how does a woman “keep her chin” up during this process?
The process is traumatic, there are no two ways about it. The first step I advise my clients is to allow yourself the space and time to grieve. Regardless of whether it is your decision, or your spouses, divorce is a loss. Don’t be afraid to ask for support, seek out other single moms in your community, join a group and find resources such as my single mom superstar project to help you navigate the process. Most of all, know you are not alone. There are many women out there who have gone through a divorce and they are not only surviving but thriving!
What’s the best piece of advice you can tell a woman who is thinking of leaving her partner?
The best advice I can pass along to others is do everything you feel is in your power to heal your current relationship. If you find it simply isn’t going to work, or the situation is unbearable, then you must end it. But this way you can leave with your head held high and without regrets. Also, know that children are incredibly resilient, they’ll be okay. In this day and age, with so many marriages ending in divorce, they have plenty of company and their own network of supporters.
Kerri is the single mom adviser, healthy living expert, speaker, and Amazon best selling author, It Takes All 5: A Single Mom’s Guide to Finding the REAL One, guides women through the process of healing the whole woman—inside and out—after a divorce, preparing them to take the plunge into the world of dating and mating with confidence, and helping them find the REAL one for an authentic REALationship. For more information on Kerri, visit her website by clicking here.
Going through a divorce? Kerri can help. She’s hosting a free call TOMORROW, September 11 to help you through it. Here’s more info:
We all love to take a holiday, and for hard working single moms, it’s particularly important. Before we can jump on a plane, get on a train or hop into a car, we need to clear our heads. Unfortunately, it’s not always the easiest thing to do. Letting go of the divorce drama, that keeps us stuck, can turn a potentially beautiful vacation into a sad reminder of what is no more. But now there is a place to escape, find support and get your head and heart healthy again, so going away can be everything you and your kids want. The Single Mom Super Star Project!
The Single Mom Advisor, Kerri Zane, invites you to join her for the “From Stuck to Success” FREE Call Wednesday, September 11 at 5pm Pacific/8pm Eastern to discuss the tools you need to navigate the stumbling blocks on the path from your divorce to happily even after.
During her FREE call, Kerri will share her time tested tools and tips for walking away from the drama, disaster, and disappointment of your divorce, helping you achieve super star status. She will expose what defines newly single women who thrive after their divorce from the ones who merely survive. Plus, you’ll get tips on how to handle your kids expectations about you and your ex getting back together and what to say to them when you start dating again.
Join Kerri for her FREE Call and let her help you find your happily EVEN after. Plus be the first person to sign up for the Single Mom Super Star Project and you’ll receive a Free getaway for you and your kids to a resort of your choice in Myrtle Beach, SC. Opt-in to learn more by clicking here.