Today, it seems as if most everyone I know either 1) has had fertility treatment or 2) experienced a miscarriage. Both are devastating, and for one who hasn’t gone through the experience, it may be hard to know what to say. Rev. Vicki Marrine experienced the worst of both worlds, she not only had a difficult time conceiving, but she had eight miscarriages and when finally became pregnant with twins girls, lost one of them. For most, this would cause a downward spiral of depression and gloominess, but for Rev. Vicki Marrine, author of the book, Angels and Lamb Chops, it taught her some valuable life lessons. She shares what she learned, and gives advice for those going through the same scenario, as well as for others who are trying to help.
How did you keep your hopes up when you were trying to become pregnant?
I always vitalize myself with a baby in my arms even after the first and second miscarriage. I refused to give up on my dream. Then one night I had a vision of a baby and it was so clear I knew then in my heart I would be a mum. So always believe and keep focused on the positives, even at times when your heart is breaking.
What advice do you have for someone struggling with infertility?
I was told by the doctors that I had a one in a million chance of seeing a pregnancy full term, if at all. Though the years as we became pregnant it took us down many roller coaster rides and emotions. One day I’d be elated then the next crash down. I’d look at myself and feel so useless as everyone around me was becoming a mum, it hurts your heart and soul. But there is something inside most women the desire to succeed. I was determined not just to be a big messy hormone going nowhere I was going to be a mum no matter what it took. I started to meditate and joined a yoga class and at last began to find peace inside of me. Lovingly holding onto that image I’d seen in my vision. I now do hypnotherapy and spoken meditations to help mums and their partners to relax and vitalise their perfect outcome.
What kind of support can we give a friend who is going through infertility treatment?
Always remember that this is your friends journey she has doctors, care givers, mums, nanna’s, partner all telling her what they think is best for their girl. What your friend needs from you is to just kick back and let her blow off some steam and then laughing with her say “do you feel better
now”. And because you’ve just listened she will. We all deal with stress differently some of us go into ourselves and others burst like a mountain stream. Be there for her what ever the mood. We don’t measure our live by the amount of friends we have but by the amount they listen and share with us, this is true unconditional love.
Was there ever a point where you didn’t want to keep trying for another child?
To be totally honest yes… I had progressed with a particular pregnancy, we felt so positive as I was in my 6th month. I even allowed myself to buy some jackets and little singlets we knew the sex of our baby it was a boy. But the angels had other plans for our little man and he was also lost to us.(I write about this loss in my book Angels and Lamb Chops). I didn’t think a heart could break but that day I lost my soul and heart for along time. Yet through the loss the doctors also discovered the reasons for my miscarriages.
What advice can you give to someone who has suffered a miscarriage?
I had 8 miscarriages before I was blessed, each one of those children were a part of my heart, they made me who I am today. From the losses I found strength I didn’t know I had. I found belief. That where there is life there is hope.
For those of us who have had a friend who has had a miscarriage, what can we do to help them?
This may sound strange but please don’t ignore the grieving parents by thinking they need to be left alone, often it is the opposite. To often everyone sympathises with the mother and forgets the father. Remember always as a couple they had dreams, hopes and plans for this little life, that they have both just lost. Every fibre of there being needs love and support. Some couples hide away needing that time to them selves but others need people around them. I have found over the years though that most of us need to express our sorrow. I suggest to the couple a service or memorial for the little one they have lost. Some people plant a rose or even get a tattoo, in remembrance of that life lost.
When a women is trying to get pregnant, I imagine that the relationship with her spouse becomes strained. How can one overcome this?
My husband and I used to play silly games each month around my cycle so it wasn’t so stressful, we would pretend we were making designer babies for the worlds population silly yes but it helped us. And I would hurt at times visiting the hospital congratulating friends on their new arrival but in saying that I fueled us with hope that it would be us one day soon. Unfortunately the pains we suffered took it’s toll and he left me, but the gift of life we were finally able to made I will forever hold him in my heart. Who knows if we would have made it if we’d been successful the first time. Always remember we start our journey together full of hope and love made this your main priority through all the joys and falls and together you will succeed.
Are there any books or websites that you can recommend for one to read?
I always find that a book finds me when ever I need it. Today we have so much knowledge and information out there that everyone can find something that best suits them and their own personal circumstances. My book Angels and Lamb Chops covers all the questions that I have briefly answered along with my journey to find my spirituality, which is available to purchase (click here).
Anything you’d like to add?
I thank you for the opportunity you have given me. I hope my journey may help others find the peace in their lives that I now live with.
In love,Peace and Light to you all, Vicki.
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About Rev. Vicki Marrine: Rev. Vicki Marriner is the president and minister of Reality Dreams Spiritual Church in Mandurah, Western Australia. She is also a lifetime member of the Golden Light spiritualist church and an international guest minister and psychic medium. Her services include religious ceremonies, hypnotherapy, spiritual healings, aura readings, chakra cleansing, and more. She has traveled to England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, Canada and New Zealand to share her gifts with others.